Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Cut the Tie podcast. Hi, I'm your host, thomas Helfrich, and I want you to get out there and fulfill the mission right. Cut the tie to something holding you back, become the best version of yourself. And today we are joined by Danny Darling. Danny, how are you today?

Speaker 2: 0:13

I'm doing fantastic.

Speaker 1: 0:16

I'm excited to have this conversation an incredibly cool story and not one you get to hear a lot of as well, so I'm teasing it for you people listening. This is pretty cool. Danny, do you want to take a moment and just introduce yourself and tell me a little bit about your business?

Speaker 2: 0:30

So my name is Danny Darling and I'm the founder of Prison Consultant Life Coach for Ex-Felons. I've spent 31 years inside California state prisons and basically I have a very unique perspective about the prison system, corrections in general, how to deal with the police as well, the correctional officers that are in there, as well as the inmates, because it is a two-pronged attack that you're going to be facing.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Wow, that's great. So just bring that up. You were in for 31 years and now you're given coaching to people coming out or people about to go in as well. Right, I mean, I usually ask the question what makes you unique? I think that's that summarizes the answer. You were in there for 31 years and came out with a smile on your face, so, which is which is a good thing, you came out.

Speaker 2: 1:20

Well, after being, after being in there for that long, everybody comes home with a smile on their face, I bet.

Speaker 1: 1:27

When did you go in? How old were you initially?

Speaker 2: 1:30

I was 16 when I was arrested 16.

Speaker 1: 1:34

Oh my.

Speaker 2: 1:34

God, yes, I was tried as an adult.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Yeesh, I got to ask what'd you go in for? Was it one offense or multiple times, coming back and forth?

Speaker 2: 1:44

It was. It was two offenses. It was my first offense, but there was two charges. It was a robbery murder. It's called the felony murder rule in California. If you were involved in a felony any felony and somebody dies if it was intentional or accidental, you're automatically guilty. So the prosecution went with all or nothing. If you found that they went for a robbery and the man died, he's guilty. So the prosecution went with all or nothing. If you found that they went for a robbery and the man died, he's guilty. But if you found that they killed him and then they took his property, he's innocent, he walks away and that was their whole thing.

Speaker 1: 2:18

So, like in that example, if you're driving the car and two of the people you're with kill somebody on bank robbery, and they get in your car and you drive away knowingly that what they did, if you had no knowledge of what they were doing, and they just get in the car and you're like, hey, would you guys get your money? Or? But if you knew you're screwed it.

Speaker 2: 2:35

It doesn't matter if you, if they were. We were driving down the street. We pulled over at a 7-eleven or something. They went, they went in. They said, hold on, we'll be right back. They went and got some stuff. They killed somebody came back. I drive away. I am an accomplice in that whole area. The prosecution assumes that you knew what was happening and therefore you're automatically guilty of the murder.

Speaker 1: 2:58

What do you think people are with you? Like he had no idea. We didn't tell him what he did, he was just driving us nobody's ever done that, so I don't know never happened in the history.

Speaker 1: 3:09

They, they plead the old down. It was his idea. It was his idea, absolutely, absolutely. That's a crazy. That's crazy. 16 years old and they go into a prison. I, I, uh, I'm gonna ask that question, like what I mean? So you go through jail, you get incarcerated, but then you get stuck into. Do you go from juvie to then transfer to adult, or how does that work?

Speaker 2: 3:33

Yeah, so I was at juvenile hall until I turned 18 and I went through prelim all that good stuff. Turned 18, within a couple of months I had my trial and then from county jail I went to cmf california medical facility wow, holy moly man.

Speaker 1: 3:53

Yeah, the fact you got out of there without like in in your own life, honestly like I'd be like like you're, you're 16, with like basically an eternity twice the length of your life ahead of you at that moment in jail.

Speaker 2: 4:04

You don't even see that your reality is. I'm going to die in prison because one let's face it you've never been in prison before You're. At a young age, I felt I was a handsome looking kid so I wasn't going to be a sexual predator or anything. I wasn't going to have nobody victimize me, so I was going to fight for me, which I think anybody would, and it just comes down to the mindset. I'm going to die in here, so if something happens, I'm going to make it really rough for them.

Speaker 1: 4:37

We'll get to when you got released. Well, I'll tell you. You have this. This business you've started, and I think you said you had a book you're writing too. Do you want to tease that book right now? A little bit business you've started, and I think you said you had a book you're writing too.

Speaker 2: 4:48

Do you want to tease that book right now a little bit? Yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:54

So the book I'm working on is called the seven most important people you need to meet when you go to prison.

Speaker 2: 4:59

All right, you got to spoil it for us who are the seven no-transcript, because they make special food for themselves up in there and then they bring it back to you back in the building and you eat just a little bit better. You know, imagine eating boiled eggs every Thursday, sos biscuits and gravy every Tuesday morning. Every Sunday you get scrambled eggs. It's just because of monotonous. But then you get once in a while your friend brings you back a banana pancake or an apple pancake. It just changes your day. Your outlook on life changes immediately.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Small things. I'll assume you apply some of those small things Now that you're out. You're like man, I love to hear a bird without a bar in my way, Right, Like it's a Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 6:17

I mean okay. So when I was when I was found suitable cause I had to go in front of a panel to come home, so I had to convince people I was found suitable because I had to go in front of a panel to come home, so I had to convince people I was no longer a threat to society I got stuck on the yard in the rain. So we have to sit on the ground when there's an alarm. So I'm sitting in a puddle of water, rain's coming down and I'm just smiling because I know in a couple of months I'm going home. But why am I mad that I'm stuck and I'm getting soaked and I'm wet? I love stuck and I'm getting soaked and I'm wet. I love it. I love driving. I love being stuck in traffic and my family's looking at me like what's wrong with you. I'm like I love this Shoot. This is awesome.

Speaker 1: 6:55

So tell me about the journey a little bit. I mean, like when did you get the idea to start this business? Were you like when I get out?

Speaker 2: 7:06

Or did any of those thoughts happen while you're incarcerated? Absolutely not. It all started about two and a half years ago. I was looking for a physical or a therapist or some sort of life coach, but nobody's gone through the life I've gone through. So how can they really adjust with me? Can they really adjust with me?

Speaker 2: 7:27

For example, I've been home five years now and I'm getting ready to turn 53, but I still have to sleep with the light on. I still have to sleep with a TV on, the fan blowing. I can't sleep without it. If those threes aren't working, I'm not getting a good night's rest. I has a habit. I sleep better during the daytime with the light outside, people talking in the other room, because in prison it's never dark, it's never quiet, people are always moving. I can't do it. I'm still adjusting. When I went to a Texas roadhouse the next door to this restaurant is a car wash when the car wash alarm sounded it's the same alarm we have in prison. So when it sounded I dropped to the ground. I was looking for threats and my family's standing there. They're looking down at me like what's wrong with you? And I'm like you guys have no idea Like that's what you do.

Speaker 2: 8:21

It's there's still a lot. So, yeah, yeah. So I want to help other people that are coming home. Let them know they're not alone, they're not isolated. These are all feelings that we all have, and it's not the majority, it's all of us. We have these emotions and what we don't know how to identify our emotions. In prison. We don't talk about them. Prison crying is a sign of weakness, you know so. There's a lot of dynamics and we don't openly share our emotions in groups in prison like this, because we don't want the next person to have any leverage over us. So I want to create a safe space for us. I mean, when vets come home from the military, from being overseas, they have VA doctors that help them. We don't have anybody for us that are by us, unless the therapist can only give us so much, right.

Speaker 1: 9:17

And you're, um, a forgotten group for sure. I mean like in society, like you know, you and I connected through our Facebook group and I heard your story. And I mean like in society, like you know, you and I connected through our Facebook group and I heard your story and I'm one of those people like I want to hear this. This guy's trying to make good out of a hard as shit life. Right, I mean like you're a kid and all of a sudden, next thing you know you're almost 48 years old, getting out of prison and you're like now I got to.

Speaker 1: 9:38

Ironically, a lot of people are in their own prison for that same amount of time working for other people, doing not quite the same stress level as you were under. But the point is now they're reinventing themselves. They don't know how you. There's a lot of parallels to what you're doing, to what a lot of people find themselves in in their lives that you just there's only so much time left and you're very grateful for the time you have now and sure as shit you're not going to be part of any cars or anybody else robbing a bank.

Speaker 1: 10:06

No, we're good. Did you think back? Why 31 years Like? Why you had a like you probably weren't a threat two years after you did it.

Speaker 2: 10:17

No. So when I first went in now in California prisons there's different levels and you see some movies where they talk about super max. Those are level four yards. Those are the maximum security levels of California. It's Pelican Bay, new Folsom, it's New Corcoran and they're very rough.

Speaker 2: 10:36

I mean you go to the yard with the mentality I'm going to die today, but I'm going to take somebody with me. You know, because you never know when it's going to happen. It's it can jump off at any time. Sometimes you can feel it on the yard. I've walked into the chow hall and it's quiet, nobody's talking. You know something is going to happen sometime. They're just waiting for who and when they get there.

Speaker 2: 10:57

So when you're dealing with that, your mindset is, it's volatile, it's going to go, and then you have to be ready. Now it took a number of years for me to one get out of my own way or cut the tie that was holding me back, and I really had to do it. It took some time to adjust to it and once I made my decision, it took time to actually get away from the people I was with, because they were a comfort zone. You know, if you're going to go into war. You want to go to war with some savages, so you develop the savage mentality and it takes time to get rid of that.

Speaker 1: 11:37

Right, and you're talking about time out, since you've been out and you had to you had to unlearn some behaviors that don't work.

Speaker 2: 11:43

I'm still unlearning them. Yes.

Speaker 1: 11:45

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:52

What's been the hardest one you had to unlearn Sitting in a restaurant where I can't see everybody. So you know cause, like when you're in a chow hall you're looking for threats. Everybody's a threat in prison unless you know them, and then sometimes your friends could be a threat too. But so when I go to a restaurant I have to sit to where I see the door and I see the majority of people. I can't sit in the middle. I got to sit along a wall, so that way I know nobody's behind me. Now I've gotten to the point to where, eh, I'll sit over there, I'm good, let's go. Yeah, you know, because I have to take that mentality. Not everybody is a threat, you know.

Speaker 1: 12:30

I still look around the room, at least to the level. Yeah, at least to the level they were in prison, yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:36

I still look around and see who's who who in body language and see if anybody's pissed off or anything, but I I'm comfortable enough to sit in the middle of the room.

Speaker 1: 12:46

It's huge. Do you remember? Well, tell me about so in starting your business, which is interesting. There was a guest we had on recently that uh for former for recovering addicts and some people coming out of prison or just people who've. They're getting a rough start in life because they can't find jobs because they were addicts or they broke laws or whatever else you probably should connect to who's in California but he has food trucks and he helps guys learn to own their own and his idea was if I can help them find a place to get a job and a talent and own something that's their only chance for employment is self-employment. It really, for the most part, it is right no-transcript my anger, my hatred for everybody else.

Speaker 2: 13:42

Wow Now, I never grew up racist. Even though California prisons is extremely racist, I've never grown up in a racist attitude. My stepdad is Black, before he passed two years ago. My sister and my niece are both mixed. I have a Vietnamese brother-in-law. I got Mexican family members. I mean, we just have a plethora of people in our family tree, but in prison you only isolate with those that you identify with. So if you go in as a white boy, that's who you're going to be talking to. That's it, that's all. It took me 10 years to change my ethnicity from white to other, and that was a journey in itself because I had to break away from that. But I just. I was at the point where I hated everybody. So that way, if anybody came at me, I couldn't be like dude, you were my friend, what you know, it was just cut it be mad at everybody. So that way, the angers there or something were to happen.

Speaker 1: 14:45

It's almost like a defense mechanism. At that point to stay alive, I can't trust anyone, so I got to hate everyone, so I got to be ready to go without hesitation, absolutely. So, once you got out, you got that journey to get out. Do you remember the moment, though, when you were going to let go of the anger? When you got out, or maybe it was before? I should ask the question to everyone when did you know you were going to have to break that anger cycle?

Speaker 2: 15:07

I went to a self-help group. It's called phases I don't remember what the acronym was, but it was a really powerful moment of the guy that was speaking. Him and his wife went away for the weekend for their 10 year anniversary, asked the neighbor to watch their daughter while they were gone. He came home, found a videotape and a VCR. Yes, this is older days, you know, we don't have VCRs, no more. But he, the neighbor, videotaped himself molesting his daughter. So he went next door, beat this guy up very badly, did some horrible things to him but didn't kill him. He didn't want to kill him. He left them with the Klossby bag for the rest of his life.

Speaker 2: 15:52

His daughter came up to visit and said Daddy, why are you in jail? He said when you get older I'll explain it to you because you won't understand now. So when she turned 16, she went back up for her birthday and she said Daddy, for my birthday, I want to know why you were in jail. He said because I didn't protect you. Her answer excuse me. Her answer said Daddy, who's protecting me now? And it was at that moment he cut everything away. That's when I realized I have to start cutting people out too. I got to come home and it's, it's powerful. You know who's protecting me now?

Speaker 1: 16:35

It's hard, it's unmanageable.

Speaker 2: 16:38

Yeah, you know, and we think at the time we're gonna punish this person for doing what they did to me and my family, but ultimately you're the one punishing yourself. You have to let the authorities do it, give them all the evidence.

Speaker 1: 16:55

You got to step away and that's one of the hardest things to do yes, it sounds brutally because, uh, in the moment you know you're, uh, the part of the brain that's supposed to think like that shuts off, ends you absolutely. I mean, like it's like that would the level of rage that that guy probably, you know the fact he didn't kill him is amazing to me, though I'm probably, probably, he probably would if she would have, because he probably ended up in the same spot.

Speaker 2: 17:24

But yeah, they gave him attempted murder and gave him a life sentence for it. And he, he looked at the judge. He says your honor, I didn't want to kill him, otherwise he would have been dead. I want him to know every time he has to clean his cloth me bag this is a direct result of what she did and he was just Did the guy go to jail for assaulting the daughter? I don't know. We didn't ask that question at that time. Yeah, that would be irrelevant at this point.

Speaker 1: 17:55

To me. It's crazy, by the way, did some guy gets a life sentence unless he had priors for something that's unlikely to be repeated Like such extreme? It's not like it was like the dude cut him off and he beat the shit out of him and it's like this guy right, you know it's some very personable. That happened that you know like like unlikely that was going to happen again. Yeah, you should serve some time, no question, but forever that who's that help? Anyway, crazy. You know that that's a. That's a very powerful moment. By the way, you want to come back to that. That. You saw it and since then, maybe, maybe before you talk about the impact it's had on your life, how did you take that first step to let the anger go?

Speaker 2: 19:05

So when I went back to my cell and I was, I was figuring that out and I put on some music and the song that came on is Michael Jackson's man in the mirror and if you actually listen to it, it's you want to make that change. Be that change is what he's saying. And I was like, okay, I got to figure this out, I got to make this change. I got to do this. So I went around and found some facilitators, asked them what groups were coming up, took a bunch of groups at that point and because I'm taking groups, it's less time for me hanging around the people that I were hanging around with and then it slowly started distancing me from them, which was the best thing I needed. And then it just from there, it was a ripple effect.

Speaker 1: 19:56

It just like good things just started opening up and happening for me. Did the impact? Is that the reason you were able to get out? Yes, without it you don't think. You think you're still in there. Absolutely, wow, absolutely. That is impact, because now you get to be around your family and make friends and new friends and start a whole new life.

Speaker 2: 20:17

Yeah, and I get to meet you, so that was kind of awesome. There you go.

Speaker 1: 20:21

I like it, man. I love that. I love to hear people do turnarounds. I mean, would we have been friends at 16? Probably not. Probably not while you're incarcerated either, but I can be friends. Probably not while you're incarcerated either, but I can be friends with you. Yes, hey, listen, I could always use somebody with a swivel of a head looking out for the threats, because I'm clueless. I'm the instigator typically Not anymore in my old life, but my eve. I was definitely the instigator. I never was the one that got caught. It was always somebody else. To be fair, I wasn't robbing anything or causing. I wasn't to that degree. We're talking like TP in a house. Anyway, all right. So tell me about this a little bit. You made the change. You cut the tie to anger. You take the first steps groups. You start dissing stuff from people who have like-minded thinking. You have to go to a new group. What was the impact? You know, initially. You know, isolating yourself in prison, I would guess, is not a good thing because you're vulnerable to all. But then what's the?

Speaker 2: 21:15

impact sense. Well, when you leave one group of friends and you're doing self-help groups, now it's a different, like-minded group of people that we're talking about, people who are trying to change, that are changing, that want to go home. So then my mind started working with them. So then we developed brand new programs called annual cultural awareness days, where we set up inside of a gym 27 tables. We have different ethnic groups, races, cultures. Everybody come together and spend eight hours talking about their individual culture so that way other people can identify and learn more about them.

Speaker 2: 21:55

And like, one of the things that we did is we we kind of picked on the Muslims for it because they had the most. Everybody was worried about why they do what they do. They pray five times a day, they put out a mat, they bow down, they they subjugate themselves and they were like, why do they do that? But people are afraid to ask them because then they make them defensive. Why are you asking me what's going on? So this here was a way to diffuse all that Ask your questions, get it out there, and once that happened, the administration seen that we were trying to change. We were trying to change the culture in prison to where we knew more about each other and it just hey, how would you like to do this, how would you like to do this? I could really use your help doing this and it just became a bigger, bigger, bigger thing.

Speaker 1: 22:42

So that's fantastic and now you've taken that afterwards, it got you out of prison and I mean one of the things, I'm sure, but that's a big one to be able to say I changed my outlook in life, right, and you applying that, it sounds like then, to your, your, your business a bit.

Speaker 2: 22:59

Yes, the whole thing is. I think society benefits greatly from helping other people, not yourself, Not yourself. You know you can have men plant a tree that's not going to have shade for another 70 years. They're probably not going to be around in 70 years. That shade is for somebody else behind them and it just makes life so much better because it's not about you.

Speaker 1: 23:25

It's about helping other people. That's beautiful. What's your advice to a listener? I mean, it seems like you could have quite a bit of it, but if you had to distill life advice down to a listener right now, I would ask the five what's?

Speaker 2: 23:40

And it really is what's holding you back? What's in your way? You know and just keep going. You got to ask that about five times to really cut the fat away from the actual problem, because we'll dress up a problem like I can't get a job? Well, why can't I get a job? Well, nobody's hiring. Well, let's cut that out the way, because people are hiring. So what's holding you back? Well, I don't want to work in McDonald's because they make low money or it's beneath me. Well, let's cut that out. Okay, let's figure it out, let's do this. And I've seen one guy say well, I'll never work in McDonald's because I'm not going to have no 24-year-old kid be my manager. I'm 50. So what if he's your manager? You're making some money, you're earning an honest income. You're not going back to prison, you're not chasing drugs. What's your problem? Put your ego and your pride to the side, get out of your way and move forward.

Speaker 1: 24:39

It's crazy to me. It's like you don't need to go work for anyone. You can make six figures as a plumber or an electrician and they don't care. You went to prison. They care that you show up every day on the job. Learn your shit, do the things you're supposed to do. Hand me a pipe when I asked for a pipe. Hand me a tool and ask you for a tool, and at some point you'll do the stuff. Like to me, it's like you. You can. You can learn a trade at any point and in four years you can be a master plumber. Four years you could be a master electrician, which means you can own a business and it means you can employ people. And it's me. It's like you can get out and you can start. You could start doing something today.

Speaker 2: 25:15

Because like one of the best books I've ever read, and and I actually have it here and it's one of your questions that you that you had asked me, and it's seven moments that define excellent leaders. All right, it's by Lee J Cullen and this book is amazing. It's really simple read. It's not like it's a bold print or a fine print. It's not like it's a bold print or a fine print. It's really easy. And he said he had a friend who wanted to go to medical school, but it was four years. He said so how old are you going to be in four years? He's like well, I'm going to be 34. He said okay, so if you go to medical school in four years, how old are you going to be? He's like 34. He says so what's holding you back? Just do it Four years Okay.

Speaker 2: 26:03

So if it's four years to be a master electrician, do it In four years it's like you're broke.

Speaker 1: 26:11

You actually make good 50, 60, 70 K a year being an electrician's hell helper. It's like you're broke gone through the years.

Speaker 2: 26:19

Yeah, my little brother. He went to prison for seven years, eight months, learned how to be a welder, got certified in prison to be a welder. Now he's home. He's got his own plumbing license, he's got his general electrician's license, he's got his general contractor's license and he's got a boilerplate license. He's been home for 18 years. He smashed it. He's been home for 18 years. He smashed it. He's making great money, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:45

So I have kids who have not yet served any time, but hopefully they won't. But I look at the cost of like college and I compare it to what say well, you know, go suck up your pride of what you think you should be titled. Go get a crack in your ass and go be a plumber for four years and by the end of it, by the time you're 22, when you could have gotten on Cone's you'd might be you know I'll. I'll put you some business classes so you can learn how to run a business. But you can go and build a multimillion dollar plumbing company by knowing plumbing or by knowing a HVAC services or some type of like absolutely essential service.

Speaker 1: 27:20

To me that's like for anybody really. But specifically when no one will hire you and they ask you the question hey, have you ever committed a felony or whatever else? And you're like I'm asked to just stop applying at this point, unless the person who owns a business was a felon at some point Unlikely you're going to get the job, so why fight that and get angry about it? Go build your own life around it. If anything you probably learned is you can. You can stick out hard shit if you got out of prison. So learning a new trade shouldn't be nearly as hard as 23 hours a day in a small little cell, worried of something to come there and shank you. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I'm talking my ass because you, you know the world, I don't. I'm just saying I just watched movies and the horrible history channel ones where I'm like Holy cow, these super maxes.

Speaker 2: 28:07

Yeah, have you seen Shawshank redemption? I have, okay. So when red goes to the parole board, he's like, yeah, I'm just up for rejection. Because when I got locked up, that's how it was we had Duke Bayesian as governor. He was no murderers getting out of my watch. Pete Wilson stepped in. He said the same thing no murderers getting out of my watch. And it was Gray Davis when he stepped in. Nobody's going home on my watch. So when we went to the board we knew we weren't going home. That was out. So why are we even trying at some point? Because if you already know they're not going to give it to you, why bother? You know and it took Pete Wilson to be recalled Governor Schwarzenegger stepped in and he became governor in 1994.

Speaker 2: 28:59

And that was when we first started seeing lifers go home. It was few and far between, but we saw some go home. That's when we started getting a little bit of glimmer and a little bit of hope. Now, granted, he was letting some ex-officers who got life sentences for doing some very poor shooting on the line of duty and they got life sentences, but at least somebody was going home and it just slowly helped. When Governor Brown came back into office. He helped out too. He's seen that a lot of people had changed and then he had started changing the policy.

Speaker 2: 29:36

So when it comes down to it, in seeing Shawshank Redemption, he goes in 10 years, I'm up for rejection. Goes back 10 years later, I'm up for rejection. The last time he goes in there it's 30 years later. He says, what's rehabilitation to you? And he's like, well, this is what it means to you. But this is what I would say to that kid 30 years ago. And they found him suitable. And it's almost the same type of mentality. It's like, yeah, I'm going up for this thing and I'll be back in a couple hours. Let's play some more cards or dominoes on the yard. And then finally, people started going home. We had to start taking it more serious.

Speaker 1: 30:17

Yeah, I mean it gives you hope. Speaking of hope, a little rapid fire question section who?

Speaker 2: 30:26

gives your inspiration. A lot of people actually, and I can't really put it on one person, but like I'll see an elderly person sitting down on a chair and he'll be eating some gelato or ice cream or something and I'll talk to him and ask him about his life, that's the normal person who gives me inspiration is because one they made it to where they're at Right. Dude, I'm 50, coming up to be 53. I want to be 70 years old and I never thought I'd make it past 20. I mean, I went to, I went to old Folsom in 1990 as a 18 year old kid. I never thought I was going to make six months, so every day is a blessing for me. So everybody that's still getting by, knowing that they have hardships, they have troubles, they have family issues, they have mental health problems, they're still getting by. Even the people mental health problems, they're still getting by. Even the people that are homeless, they're still getting by. They're not dead and that's the people who give me hope.

Speaker 1: 31:31

Beautiful as your business is growing, in pieces like this. What's been the best business advice you've received? In pieces like this, you know what's been the best business advice you've received.

Speaker 2: 31:44

Be mindful of the client, really be mindful of it, because it's not easy for everybody, especially dealing with us coming home. We don't do groups like this that often. It's very difficult. It's one. We got to take time out of our schedule On Monday through Friday. You're working your butt off Saturday and Sunday. You kind of want to kick back. You want to drink a beer, sit by the pool if you have one, get a blow up pool, like I do. You know it doesn't have to be fancy, but I have a blow up pool. Yes, I do. It's really nice too and just kick back and relax and enjoy the finer things light. But if I have to drive an hour, spend two hours and come back, that's four hours out of my day. That's gone and some would say it's wasted. But it's really not.

Speaker 2: 32:30

If you were to break it down, let's do a 30 minute zoom call with three or four people, or even one-on-one, and let's just talk about some of our issues. Now that we're home, let's just be real. We need a place where we are safe and we don't have to worry about anybody else. Nobody's trying to get leverage on anybody out here. We're just trying to help each other and that's the whole key, you know. And and it starts with cause I was on one of these meetings and for 45 minutes nobody wanted to talk and I was, like trying to text the moderator, like you need to start this, you need to open it up. You know, you need to become vulnerable and let these people know what's going on. And that's when I started speaking up and dudes like, all right, well, we're out of time. I'm like we're in a role, don't, don't cut the time. You know, if people have to get off, they'll tell us hey, I don't have the time we were in, right?

Speaker 1: 33:24

now you would have been stabbed for saying that no, don't say, that Don't say. But it would have been funny. You're lucky we're not in right now. I would have shank over. When in your life would you have started over and what would you do differently?

Speaker 2: 33:46

I think 1989, I wouldn't have left my house that night. I mean that would be a good start over, but I was still angry, so I probably would have died somewhere along the lines During this process. You know, and a lot, lot of people say, would you go back and do things differently? And for a while I was saying, yes, but with this I've learned so much, I've grown so much and I know I can help more people. So I think just getting out of my own way and starting this when I came home would have been better instead of waiting. It's it's five years. I should have.

Speaker 2: 34:22

I should have had my book done, published on my second or third book by now, you know, and that's the problem, because we get complacent. I mean, I've been to Daga Bay, I've been to Disneyland, I've been to Universal Studios, hollywood, I'm traveling up and down the state of California. I want to travel, I want to see things, but here's the thing If you're doing this, then you don't have time for this. So you have to make time and create it for what you need to do, and I think I would have done that differently back then, instead of traveling to all those places and enjoying my life start that, but I treasure these moments in these days, so yeah, I would.

Speaker 1: 35:03

I would say you're uh, you're doing the right thing by doing the moments in life. The number one rule of writing a book is you have to procrastinate. It's that simple. So that's that's how you write a book. 95% of his procrastination, 5%, is writing and finishing it. So if you haven't hit your 95, yeah, if you haven't you're on.

Speaker 1: 35:25

Listen, I think you're on a different path, and one that you're creative for yourself, not one that was created for you, right? And so, whatever your childhood was, it made you angry. Whatever's happened now in your life. It sounds hard, I'm not dismissing it, but it is now in the past and it's made you who you are and what you'll become today. So you get to choose every moment moving forward, and I don't think you're making bad choices by. I'm going to go enjoy Disneyland is not a bad choice. I'm going to get shit faced and all sleep in the pool. Probably there's better choices in that one, but exactly, and that's just it.

Speaker 2: 35:58

It's a choice, not a mistake. It's a choice. You're a big guy.

Speaker 1: 36:01

I mean you have one too many and get a little aggressive. In that pool it's popping. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2: 36:06

You're taking it down.

Speaker 1: 36:09

You do not look like a small man. You want to be careful. Take it easy on your pool, all right. If there was one question I should have asked you today and I didn't, what was that question and how would you have answered it?

Speaker 2: 36:20

I actually have it written here. So the one question would be what are some of the issues or traumas you have today because of your incarceration?

Speaker 1: 36:29

Because that's where it comes down to. I told you a whole podcast on this answer. What is that answer?

Speaker 2: 36:36

Well, when are we doing the second podcast? No, I'm kidding. Well, when are we doing the second podcast? No, I'm kidding, you were, uh, you're. So it really is. Oh, awesome, like when me and my girlfriend are going out to the store or restaurant or something.

Speaker 2: 36:49

I exit my home first and I look around the street for any threats. I know there's not none. I have an officer that lives next door to me, but I still look. Look, I'll walk her to the car. I'll open the car door, I'll put her in the car. Then I'll go around because I'm driving, I'm defensive driving, I'm looking everywhere. I'm checking every mirror, looking for everything. When we get out, I get out first. I walk around and I'm looking, surveilling the parking lot for threats. I'll open her door. Let's go in, we go in. I'm the first one in the store and I get it. Gentlemen are supposed to hold the door open for her. I'll hold it up behind me as soon as she has it. Then I'm going in making sure that there's no threat.

Speaker 2: 37:31

And it's hard because it's just me being programmed that way in prison. You have friends that you are with. They know how to identify threats as well. My girlfriend does not. I'm looking for body language, posture, the whole anger, everything. I'm checking hands as people are walking. So even when we come out, I'm the first one out of the store, I'm checking everything, I'm putting her in the car and it's just. These are little traumas that we have and it's really not a trauma, I guess, but there's just so much.

Speaker 1: 38:06

I don't. I mean that's, I don't even know. When veterans come home, military come home, and they're trying to assimilate them to become civilians. One of my guests she said don't, you're a veteran, you're always a veteran, so act like one. This is something that's been, will now be, from the majority of your life, right, and and it has its benefits and everything else as well, except that that you just feel you're a little bit more aware and safer because you have a reality of life of how it kind of really can be. I don't think it's a negative. It may be annoying, but the truth is just that's who I am, that's who I do it, because that's who I am now and maybe over time it'll, and I think I don't think you should beat yourself up with that because it's it's just like you could probably go crazy trying to break that and it doesn't really add the value that you're going to want it to once you do. I don't know. No, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 38:57

No, I don't know. Now one thing there are a couple of things before we close out, because I know we're running out of time. But I was arrested on February 19th, 1989. Okay, february 19th. I was released on February 19th of 2020. 31 years to the day, wow, okay. I was 16 years when I was incarcerated right, 16 years old. If you double that, it's 32 years. Okay, I did one year shy of two thirds of my life in prison.

Speaker 1: 39:36

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:37

This is what I know. This is my fifth year home. I got locked up when I was 16. I don't smoke, I generally take care of myself.

Speaker 1: 40:02

I should have a good 30 years of cognitive ability left and I'm 49 or 48 at the time, but 49. And the point was I basically just graduated high school, again with 30 years of knowledge. You're coming out. If you kind of keep it together, you should have at least good 20 to 30 years of good cognitive ability, with some pains towards the ends. But the truth is you're just kind of getting out again and now you're starting over with a bunch more knowledge of the way of the world.

Speaker 2: 40:28

So you got to go pick what that is when my girlfriend took me to different places, she said it was like watching the world through the eyes of a two-year-old, because everything was new to me. See, when I got locked up at 89, it was first month last month of the down payment for rent. Now it's credit. Do you have credit? When did that happen?

Speaker 1: 40:57

I mean cash. If you pay for a full year of rent in advance, most people not only will discount it for you, they will accept it. Cash wins too. How do you get that much cash? What you got to do is sell more shit and have it cost less. Oh okay, it's really easy. Actually, you sell something for less than you paid for it, and that difference is oh words of wisdom right there.

Speaker 1: 41:22

Right, I will tell you, though, like, but like. Even when you're doing your book and you're doing your group, there's always like now you have. There's nothing stopping you. Like you can, you can learn a trade as well, and you can have side hustles. You can do whatever you need to do, that's you know that it to make money. It just depends on what you want to go do and what you will go do.

Speaker 2: 41:43

I make jewelry on the side. I started in prison making jewelry, I saved up $200 in prison and I made 1800 off of it. So it's, it's a crazy hustle. Yeah, I mean, granted, my audience was right there in front of me. I mean, they couldn't go nowhere, they were just buying my stuff. But you know, hey, I enjoyed it.

Speaker 1: 42:06

I know a guy that that makes pens as his hobby so he buys all the components and makes custom pens, like people writing oh, wow you know that thing that people do sometimes and yeah, he'll.

Speaker 1: 42:15

He'll sell them for four or five hundred bucks a piece. His material is like a hundred bucks. It'll take like two days because he gets in the weed with it and does it, and then he sells these custom pens for ceremony or whatever else. That's cool Side hustle. I'll tell you a side hustle. Hold on, I'll say goodbye on the show and we'll talk here in a second. Danny, thanks so much for joining me today on the podcast. I've really enjoyed the conversation and your journey. Appreciate it. Thank you so much. And those listening listen get out there. Go cut a tie to something holding you back. Really unleash the best version of yourself. Become the entrepreneur you always wanted to. No-transcript.